Sylvia Turns Seventy

Saturday, October 23, 2010

 

75

On Oct 3 my son made waffles for us – him, his wife, his daughter, my daughter and me.

Looking back from 75 to 70, these last five years have been a withdrawing, wrapping up advocacy, exploring unstructured time.

With intention, I slowly wound down my mental health and disability work, stopped following some lists and websites, tried to be reflective, to say no to further involvement. I made three ego-driven mistakes, twice involving myself in local mental health activities, once agreeing to present People Who at a State Department outreach meeting. I watched my expectations and anger and anxiety and disappointment.

I have hoarded airline reward miles, enough for two major trips, and airline and airport crowding and packing rules and pat downs have become inhibitors. I still sit on my pile of miles.

I was afraid of unstructured time, a blank appointment book, and have learned how quickly a day fills up when there is time to fill it, nooks and crannies cleaned, neighbors visited, phone chats, using the internet to follow up on words and ideas I didn't know about, … I have been startled at how fast tea dates and lunches out add to expenses, and amazed at how having nothing to do fills the days.

I have done lots of straightening, puttering at home, discarding and discarding more, most recently most of my hard copy advocacy materials. I've been reading, watching a lot of television (C-Span and soaps), have, most astounding to me, three new friends, and a comrade in my next door neighbor.

I have spent attention and time getting ready to die – making sure paperwork, wishes, and options for assistance are all in place, now is my time for separation and closure, for learning the art of dying well.

Comments:
This entry is very much appreciated by me. Seeing another have very similar changes about winding down for the end of one's life just now was reassuring and supportive. Don't know if you will get this, but Thank You for posting.

I will continue searching your site for my original purpose, which is to find a doctor (in the S.F. North Bay) to get a proper diagnosis for a person who is severely damaged by Cymbalta drug which was prescribed for fibromyalgia. She has been accepted in a law suit against the company, but has no help with her physical suffering after 7 doctors.
Bye, Enid.
 
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